the condom got lost in my hair
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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