i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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