It's Friday. Sex?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
