I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's always time for handjobs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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