Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
