Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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