Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
