We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
