I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
