He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
