I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
