i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
