I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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