On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
