Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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