Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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