I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
