The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
