Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
handjob tips. give me some.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
