Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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