woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
