The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
