You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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