Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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