$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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