Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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