We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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