Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
