we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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