Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
