He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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