New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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