Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
