when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
