some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
