It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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