This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize