I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
