I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
