There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When are your genitals available?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
