His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
