I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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