Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
