Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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