R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
