She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
