The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
