hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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