woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize