The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
