Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
