3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
