we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
