this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
