He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
