uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
