I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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