Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
