new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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