why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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