her vagine was all disorganized.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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