So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
