I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
