don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
