i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
