it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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