the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
