Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
