when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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