idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
