The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
